A new day...

     I've been thinking quite a lot lately about perspective.  Someone near and dear to my heart always reminds me that perspective is everything.  I haven't talked to my daughter since Christmas, and my perspective hasn't been all that great.  She is taking some time to let her heart rest, and I need to respect that.  But it still hurts.  My best friend took me to a movie yesterday to help pull me out of this funk.  Have I completely ruined her life? Will she be ok? Schizophrenia is one evil illness, and she and I both can prove it.
     So I must throw myself into other endeavors in order to escape the black hole that is guilt.  Sometimes a light shines down there but not today.  I need to write more and care less.  Music is forever my savior, giving me sonic shapes to fill out the canvas of what's going on in my head.  As long as I keep that perspective with my music, I think I'll be fine.  I want to be able to have a life and not feel guilty for feeling better.  I mean I want to have a life and have her not hate me for doing ok.  Does that make sense?
     Perspective really is everything.  As I find a job, create a schedule and get to work on this music, I hope I remember that.  Shifting my perspective can be so simple.  It just gives me different ways of looking at different things, and in turn I can shift my feelings to fit the new outcome.  I may not be able to do anything about not talking to my daughter but I can change the way I am affected by it.  That's all I can do for now.
     Thanks for reading...
    

A long time coming...

     I realized today that I haven't blogged in quite some time.  So many things have changed in the last six months.  Schizophrenia is no longer the albatross around my neck.  Instead I am reminded daily of how great life is without hallucinating.  It has been around eight months since I've had any psychotic symptoms.  Not only am I feeling better, I haven't been on a therapeutic dose of an anti-psychotic drug the entire time.  The question begs to be be asked....am I better?? Fortunately, I don't have the time or the energy to go there.  Instead I enjoy each day symptom-free. 
     Since my last entry I've moved to Chattanooga.  It's been great to finally be back home.  I've gotten to reconnect with old friends and make new ones.  I have visited places here that I'd only seen from a distance.  Music dictates most days and is a huge part of life again.  I moved in with my best friend and his mother.  They have the hugest of hearts and I am eternally grateful for their hospitality.  They helped me get back on my feet, find a doctor, and eventually find a place to live.  I am now in my own place, paying rent and am sharing space with a wonderful lady. 
     In short, life is great.  My perspective on life has changed completely.  The hopelessness is gone for a while at least.  Thanks for reading...