I've been thinking quite a lot lately about perspective. Someone near and dear to my heart always reminds me that perspective is everything. I haven't talked to my daughter since Christmas, and my perspective hasn't been all that great. She is taking some time to let her heart rest, and I need to respect that. But it still hurts. My best friend took me to a movie yesterday to help pull me out of this funk. Have I completely ruined her life? Will she be ok? Schizophrenia is one evil illness, and she and I both can prove it.
So I must throw myself into other endeavors in order to escape the black hole that is guilt. Sometimes a light shines down there but not today. I need to write more and care less. Music is forever my savior, giving me sonic shapes to fill out the canvas of what's going on in my head. As long as I keep that perspective with my music, I think I'll be fine. I want to be able to have a life and not feel guilty for feeling better. I mean I want to have a life and have her not hate me for doing ok. Does that make sense?
Perspective really is everything. As I find a job, create a schedule and get to work on this music, I hope I remember that. Shifting my perspective can be so simple. It just gives me different ways of looking at different things, and in turn I can shift my feelings to fit the new outcome. I may not be able to do anything about not talking to my daughter but I can change the way I am affected by it. That's all I can do for now.
Thanks for reading...
