Sunday musings...

     So, it's Sunday again.  Sunday has always been a conspicuous day for me.  It's hard for me to enjoy it because it's always a reminder that the next day is Monday, and I don't like Mondays.  I realize that I do this in a lot of other areas of my life.  It's kind of like the last day of vacation: it's hard to stay relaxed because  you know that it will all be over tomorrow.  I wish I could take things one day at a time instead of projecting into the future.  I have a therapist here at the group home.  I asked her Friday how long she thought I'd be here.  She said it would be a year, tops.  Now some people might be encouraged by this news, seeing as how the average length of stay is around two years.  But I, of course, threw a fit internally.  I want to leave today.  I don't want to have to wake up before the crack of dawn to have my breakfast and take my medication.  I want to live in a place where I can make it to the YMCA and swim if I so wish.  I don't want to live with eight other people who are as crazy, if not crazier, than I am.  I know that God has me here for a reason.  I've been able to kind of accept this.  My mom said that the reason might be that these people here need me.  Instead of taking that on, I decided that I didn't want the responsibility. How selfish is that? I want to be responsible for myself alone, and let them live their lives the way they want.  Life here gets really lonely.  Maybe I should remember that when I say I don't want to be responsible for anyone else.  I am, truthfully, the highest-functioning sick person here.  Granted, I've been fortunate to have had a lot more beneficial therapy and treatment than they have, simply because of socio-economic differences.  In other words, my parents saw to it that I received the best treatment.  For that, I am eternally grateful.  Today I'm going to work on getting out of myself and trying to be there for other people.  Maybe it'll make the time go by more quickly.  Who knows?? Maybe I won't feel so lonely.  Thanks for reading :)