today.....ugh!!!!

     Today has been one of the toughest days I've had since I've been in the group home.  The thing is that nothing's changed.  I can't stop crying.  I have this deep sense of hopelessness, but nothing's happened.  I think I'm realizing that I'm really here and I'm not going anywhere for a while.  The comic relief here is definitely found at others' expense.  Like today, I got to see dumb and dumber try to sweep and mop their floor.  They're the two sickest guys here guess you'd say, but they're clueless and definitely weird. Having mental illness myself, I feel like it's ok to pick on them a little bit.  it's a little like dealing with 5 year olds.  But they're the happiest people here, and I'm the one crying in the corner.  I even started crying when one of my pigtails (I'm growing my hair out) was out of place! Some would say that it's hormones, but I wouldn't know.  I had to have a hysterectomy 5 years ago, and don't know if I'm 'hormonal' or not....I think being able to blame your actions on a temporary hormone imbalance is a bit overrated and overdone.  None the less, today is a really hard day.  I'm homesick...I miss Agnes and I miss my daughter.  I miss being able to keep things in perspective.  I'm not going to be here any longer than a year, thank GOD, and it really could be a lot worse.  I try to keep that in mind as I'm typing with tears streaming down my face.  Sometimes the reality of my life really hits me.  I had such great things I was going to do with this life I've been given.  Where did it all go? Maybe it'll be better tomorrow.  Thanks -